Never Have I Ever
by StarCollector88
Summary: Micky's last activity night pick.


"Does anyone else feel like it's been Micky's turn to pick for a year?" Davy asked annoyed.

"Yeah, it was only supposed to be for four months after _Truth or Dare_…but it feels like a lot longer," Mike agreed.

"Hey, sometimes it takes a long time to write these things!" Peter said defensively.

"Write what things, Shotgun?"

"Never mind…"

"Anyway, where is that half-wit?" Davy wondered. "You'd think he would be down here bursting at the seams."

"You know he likes the theatrics of his picks," Mike answered. "You know pretending he doesn't know it's his turn, dragging out telling us; nothing can ever be cut and dry with that one."

"I for one love the theatrics. It makes things more exciting," Peter said.

"I just want to get all these picks over with so we can get back to normal…I mean whatever normal is anymore," Davy questioned the statement as soon as it was uttered.

"I even have to give him credit that things haven't been as outlandish as I had anticipated them to be."

"Mike, he wanted to declare war against me last time."

"Like I said, it wasn't as outlandish as it could have been."

"You and I have different ideas of what outlandish are…"

"I heard my name," Micky came in holding a box.

"Um no one has said your name for a while," Mike corrected.

"Huh, then what did you say?"

"We were talking about things being 'outlandish'."

"Oh then easy mistake," Micky brushed off the error and set the box on the table. "Ready?"

"That isn't a box filled with muskets and uniforms, is it?" Davy asked trying to peek in the box.

"Nooo," Micky slapped his hand away. "That was so last month. I got a different idea, but don't worry I can always save that one for another time."

"Goody," Davy said sarcastically as he rubbed his hand.

"Then what's the box for?" Peter inquired with childlike wonder.

"Oh this," Micky opened the box top, "this is my laundry."

"Why is it in a box?" Mike questioned.

"And why did you slap my hand away?" Davy added.

"I couldn't find anything else to put it in, and you should mind your own business," Micky explained.

"Man, I thought this was going to be something that involved crazy props and costumes," Peter sounded disappointed.

Micky put his arm around Peter. "Cheer up, Pete. There's plenty more time for activities in the future that involve crazy schemes. I thought we would go back to where this all began."

"I'm not playing truth or dare again like some 15 year old girl," Davy nitpicked.

"Well, then good thing that's not what we're doing," Micky said in a mocking tone.

"What slumber party game is it this time, Mick?" Mike pinched the bridge of his nose.

"What makes you think that's what it is?" Mike stared Micky down. "Okay, fine. But it's not slumber party, its one step up. Adult even. Never Have I Ever."

"What in the world is that?" Mike asked.

"It's a drinking game. The person says 'never have I ever…' and something they haven't done," Peter explained. "If other people in the group have done it then they drink."

"Thank you Peter for your expertise."

"I have a feeling that this is not going to end well," Davy shook his head.

"Why not?" Micky questioned.

"For starters, I'm going to learn some things about you guys that I'd rather not know."

"We are roommates! We know everything about each other," Micky disagreed.

"Do you not remember Truth or Dare?" Davy countered. "Anyway, also someone is going to get hammered and things will get sloppy or we all will and then we're in trouble."

"Yeah about that," Mike swooped in, "I say no drinking."

"What?! That's no fun!" Micky pouted.

"I just don't think you guys will be able to control your liquor and then I'll have to take care of you."

"What makes you think that _you_ won't get the most drunk?"

"I'm not playing this back and forth with you, Mick. I feel a bet coming on and I am not as dumb as Davy."

Micky crossed his arms over his chest. "Fine! Then how do you want to play this."

Mike thought for a moment. "Well, the community funding is usually low. I say that we play with our own money. Every time you've done something you pay a quarter into the community fund jar that goes towards expenses."

"How am I going to have money for dates then?" Davy complained.

"I guess you'll have to be innocent of all the debauchery that's brought up," Micky patted Davy's shoulder.

"I like that better," Peter agreed. "Ten bucks each."

"Whoa there Peter, slow down," Micky put his hands up and waved them from side to side. "Why so much?"

"It won't be a very long game if we lose all our money at the very beginning."

"That seems like a lot of my money…" Mike was wary.

"This was your idea!" Davy protested. "Are you afraid you'll lose?"

Mike shook his head. "No way I've done stupider, weirder stuff than the three of you."

"I don't have quarters," Peter took out his bill fold.

"That's okay we will keep a tally and pay up at the end. I'm the most trustworthy person to take on that responsibility," Mike announced and no one argued with him.

They sat themselves around in the living room furniture. Everyone was eying each other uncomfortably.

"How does this start?" Peter asked.

"I'm sure it will start out tame and get more raunchy as we go," Micky elbowed Davy.

"Fantastic," Davy said sarcastically.

"I guess raise your hand when you've done something so I can mark it down," Mike directed. "It's the honor system."

"And I'm allowed to ask people to elaborate."

"And I'm allowed to ignore you," Davy shot back.

"You're no fun!" Micky sulked.

"Never have I ever walked into a glass door," Peter began.

"I find that hard to believe," Davy said.

Micky raised his hand. "Oh come one! No one else has done that?"

"Guess you're the only moron here," Davy answered smugly. "Never have I ever tried to move something with my mind."

Everyone else raised their hands.

"I stand corrected."

"What, it's a legitimate thing to wonder," Micky asserted.

"Also, sometimes when something is just out of reach…never mind," Mike stopped explaining himself. "Never have I ever lost a fist fight."

"How many have you won?" Micky asked.

"Doesn't matter, what matters is I haven't lost."

Peter and Davy looked at each other confused. "How do you know if you've won or lost?"

"I was flat on my back so I know I lost…to my sister," Micky raised his hand.

"I think it's pretty obvious. If you knock the guy out."

"But what if no one gets knocked out?" Davy pressed further.

"Then was it even a real fist fight?" Mike laughed.

"I think anyone that participates in physical violence loses," Peter proclaimed.

"That's a bit hypocritical don't you think?" Davy interjected.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa back it up," Micky began making beeping noises. "What is this tension about fist fights between the two of you?"

"Nothing," Peter and Davy answered in unison and then looked away.

"Nope, that doesn't look like nothing."

"Come off it, Micky!" Davy snapped.

"Okay, fine. Never have I ever been in a fist fight with my roommate."

Peter and Davy reluctantly raised their hands.

"I'm sorry, what?!" Mike shouted.

Davy sighed. "Remember that time Peter had a shiner? I gave it to him."

"Why?" Mike boomed.

"He was in a foul mood and I tried to reason with him…and then he clocked me," Peter clarified.

"May I go out of turn for a moment," Davy exploded. "Never have I ever caused someone to get stitches because I hit them back!"

Peter gasped and obediently raised his hand.

"This is getting good," Micky said leaning forward.

"I don't even…we'll deal with that later," Mike put his hands over his eyes.

"Don't worry Mike, it's all fine now," Peter answered optimistically.

"Yeah, seems like you both got this under control," Mike shook his head.

"Okay, never have I ever stolen a street sign."

"Why would anyone steal a street sign?" Davy asked critically.

"Maybe because that's what you do on a boring day in Texas," Mike said marking himself of the score sheet.

"Was it a sign about cow tipping?" Micky teased.

"Be careful, I've never lost a fist fight," Mike pointed out. "Never have I ever eaten something out of the garbage."

"Now I feel like I'm being personally attacked!" Micky said defensively.

"Does it count that time me and Davy tried to get the steak out of the garbage?"

"No, we didn't eat it! It was unsalvageable."

"I feel like you guys are holding out on me."

"Micky, we can't help it that we live our lives void of doing stupid things," Davy goaded.

"Okay, here come the big guns. Never have I ever imagined another player naked."

There was a hush that fell over the room. Everyone was afraid of what the results might be. Peter was the only one to raise his hand.

"I knew it!" Micky yelled.

"Who do you imagine naked?" Davy looked over in disgust.

"That's my own personal business," Peter huffed. "Never have I ever lied about my occupation to get laid."

Micky and Davy sheepishly raised their hands.

"What do you use?" Micky asked.

"Surfer."

"No kidding! Me too!"

"You both are idiots," Mike declared.

"Sorry, I don't steal street signs to impress the ladies," Davy shot back. "Never have I ever tried hitting on a girl by using a fake accent."

"You mean that accent isn't fake?" Micky provoked.

Davy rolled his eyes. "I'm not even going to dignify that with a response."

"Tough crowd," Micky cleared his throat and raised his hand. "I definitely have."

"What kind of accent do you use?" Peter inquired.

"I dabble. What about you Mike?"

"This Southern accent is enough for me, thank you very much. Now let's see…never have I ever passed out on the beach without sunscreen."

Three hands shot up. "I figured as much."

"You guys are going too safe," Micky yawned. "Let's spice this up a bit. Never have I ever sucked on someone's toes because I thought it would be sexy."

"Ew, feet gross me out!" Peter exclaimed.

Davy sighed and raised his hand. And Micky bust out laughing.

"I didn't _think_ it would be sexy, I _knew_ it was. Don't knock it til you try it," Davy said confidently.

"Hey, I'm not the one that's going to get mouth fungus."

"Never have I ever egged someone's house," Peter announced proudly.

"Peter, what happened to the spice?" Micky shook his head while slowly raising his hand.

"I think that's pretty scandalous," Peter answered.

"Well, you got me Shotgun," Mike admitted.

"Never have I ever set my eyebrows on fire," Davy stated.

"I feel like that was oddly specific to me…" Micky whined.

"What, have you done that? I never would have guessed," Davy feigned surprise.

"Come on you know that brilliant idea made me have to draw my eyebrows on for three months."

"What I never understood is why you chose to use permanent marker," Mike wondered aloud. "Anyway, never have I ever locked myself out of the house in only my underwear."

"Are you all just targeting me outright now?"

"It was the first thing that came to my mind. Peter, said eggs and I remembered when you did that and then attacked me while I was carrying all those eggs. I can't help it your my inspiration."

"Can people not live things down here?"

"We can't help that you are a mess of a person," Davy pointed out.

Micky gritted his teeth. "In the spirit of bringing up past things…Never have I ever wanted to have sex with someone here."

Peter raised his hand immediately.

"Really, Micky?" Davy shouted.

"Don't be ashamed," Peter tried to comfort. "You should be flattered."

"Excellent Micky! Would you like to play Marry, Fuck, Kill after this?" Davy was exasperated.

"I don't know what that is but it sounds amazing."

"I was not being serious…just go Peter!"

"I don't know why you're getting so uptight, it's just a game," Micky needled.

"Yeah it's the honesty game and I feel like I'm losing."

"You're not losing…Micky is," Mike corrected.

"As much as things are getting exceedingly uncomfortable around here, I just want to finish this thing," Davy leaned back in his chair and put his arms over his eyes.

"Never have I ever stole something from one of my friends."

Micky and Davy's hands went up.

"What are you stealing from us?" Mike demanded.

"I think it's pretty obvious that I steal supplies for brilliant ideas constantly," Micky admitted. "Like Davy hasn't even noticed that several pairs of his socks are missing yet."

"Right now, I don't even care."

"What are you stealing?" Mike pressed.

"You can discuss it with my lawyer," Davy mumbled muffled under his arms.

"Davy, it's your turn," Peter reminded.

Davy groaned. "Never have I ever had to hide in the closet to avoid being caught by someone."

"Wow, that's cold," Peter raised his hand.

"Not fun to be targeted is it," Micky whispered to Peter.

"And one for me," Mike quietly remarked.

"What? Why are you hiding in closets? Spying on Davy too?" Micky asked.

"No, sometimes I want to be alone and when I hear someone coming I hide until the person loses interest and leaves."

"Even with me?" Peter wondered sadly.

"Sorry Shotgun, even you. Sometimes I just need to get away."

"Now we know where to look for you," Micky rubbed his hands together.

"See not so fun being honest now is it?" Davy said.

Mike thought for a few moments and then a smile spread across his face. "I can spin it into my advantage. Never have I ever taken something from my roommate, lost it, and then lied about where it is."

Davy sat up straighter and stared across the room at Mike. He raised his hand slowly.

"I knew it! I had a suspicion it was you!"

"In my defense…"

"No, in your defense! I knew that didn't just walk off by itself!"

"What are we talking about exactly?" Micky inquired.

"I couldn't find my hat…"

"Mike, you're wearing your hat," Peter corrected.

"My other one…"

"You have more than one?" Micky interrupted.

"Yes, he has several of those green hats so I didn't think he would notice one missing. Apparently he takes inventory."

"What did you do with it?" Mike was getting annoyed.

"I wore it out because it was cold one day. I put it in my coat pocket when I took it off and it must have fallen out somewhere."

"Why didn't you just tell me," Mike was trying to keep his cool and failing miserably.

"Oh gee, I don't know, maybe because the day you were looking for it you were running around like a psycho and grabbed my shirt collar when you asked me if I had seen it."

"So how many of those hats do you have?" Micky asked. "I bet you count them when you're hiding in the closet. Or put them all on at once."

"Just take your turn, Micky!" Mike shouted.

"I think your hats on too tight, you may need to grab another one," Mike threw a pillow at him. "Okay, okay, never have I ever made out with three or more people in one night."

"Then you're not living life to the fullest," Davy raised his hand.

"What's the record?" Micky questioned.

Davy thought for a moment. "I think four."

"Five!"

Davy and Micky looked over at Peter who had his hand raised. Davy's mouth dropped open.

"You've made out with five people in one night?!" Micky was flabbergasted.

"I'm not as innocent as everyone makes me out to be."

"You can't blame us Peter. You sleep in orange footie pajamas."

"That's simply a formality for you guys."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Davy's face contorted into confusion.

"I would be sleeping naked if I didn't share a room. Why do you think I only have one pair?"

Micky started howling with laughter. "Peter, I think you should just be yourself and go au naturel."

"Micky, you don't share a room with him," Davy complained. "Peter I appreciate you taking my needs into consideration."

"What do you mean? He probably wishes you'd both sleep in the nude," Micky laughed harder.

"Oh, stop it Micky!" Mike scolded.

"You admit to something once and it brands you for life," Peter threw his hands up.

"Correction, it brands both of us for life," Davy said. "No more saying things that are specific for someone else. That isn't fair and you're going to hurt Peter's feelings."

"Are not," Peter sniffled.

"Fine, but you guys better spice this up. It's so boring," Micky fake yawned.

"Stand back," Peter announced cracking his fingers in preparation. "Never have I ever been rejected by a waitress I was flirting with."

Micky raised his hand. "Is that all you've got?"

"I thought it was better."

Davy raised his hand too.

"Wait a minute! There are actually girls that turn you down?" Micky nudged Davy in the ribs.

"Believe it or not there are girls out there that aren't a sucker for this charm," Davy said pushing Micky away from him.

"Hard to believe," Mike answered sarcastically. "I, for one, don't like to bother a hardworking woman when she has things to do."

"Probably why you're still single," Davy judged.

"We are all single you nitwit. Just take your turn."

"Never have I ever used food in a sexual way."

"Okay, I approve of that one…but I haven't done it either," Micky admitted.

Peter raised his hand. "Honey is very sticky, I don't recommend it. Mustard isn't so bad."

Everyone stared in stunned silence. "What?"

"Firstly, you have tried more things than anyone would have dreamed," Micky said in shock.

"Two, who wants to lick food off someone's body and decides that mustards the way to go?" Davy continued in disgust.

"I'm partial to whip cream myself," Mike put a tally mark on his score.

"Excuse me?" Davy demanded.

"What I'm not allowed to dabble in the bedroom?"

"Okay, that's more shocking than Peter's mustard escapades," Micky rubbed his eyes. "I'm going to have to watch someone slaughter a pig to get that image out of my mind."

"Anywho, never have I ever said those three little words first."

"How romantic of you Mike," Peter teased. "I tell everyone I love them so I guess I'm guilty."

"I thought we weren't going to target anyone else," Davy complained.

"And _I_ thought I said spice!"

"That's all I had," Mike shrugged.

Micky sighed. "It's up to me I guess. Never have I ever admitted a weird fetish to someone."

"Didn't Mike and I just do that with the food?"

"No that's not weird."

"What constitutes as weird?" Mike asked.

"I don't know something you would be too embarrassed to tell anyone. Like I will not tell anyone what I like."

"Now I want to know what it is," Davy leaned forward as an intimidation tactic.

"Listen here, you've already got a point over here Mr. Toe Sucker."

"I've done it too many times," Peter confessed.

"I'm not surprised by you at all anymore," Micky shook his head. "But I definitely don't want to know what these fetishes are, I have a feeling I will never look at you the same."

"Probably not," Peter answered nonchalantly. "Never have I ever been chased by the police."

"You might want to rethink that one, Shotgun. We always get chased by someone, the police included."

"Oh yeah, points all around then! Davy you're up."

"Never have I ever been laughed at naked."

"I hate being called 'too hairy'," Mike grumbled taking the point.

"Or 'too skinny'," Micky agreed. "Not you Peter?"

"No one laughs when I unleash the beast."

"That's disgusting, that is," Davy looked over at an angelic looking Peter.

"Never have I ever sunbathed completely nude."

"There you go, Mike," Micky commended.

Peter and Davy both raised their hands.

"Do you guys get a couple's rate?" Micky provoked.

Davy grabbed his collar. "I can give your teeth a group rate for them all getting knocked out."

"No thank you," Micky carefully pried himself out of Davy's grip. "Never have I ever been blindfolded during sex."

Peter's hand shot up. "I'll try anything once…or twice…or I keep it going."

The room was silent.

"I guess I shouldn't ask questions I'm uncomfortable knowing the answers to. How are your questions not spicy but your answers are?"

"Because I can't think of questions easily but I know what I've done. Never have I ever plotted revenge against someone."

"I'm plotting revenge against Micky as we speak," Davy declared.

"Ditto, but for Davy," Mike added.

"Oh please get over your hat. You've got like ten more!"

"That's an insane amount of the same hat," Micky was awestruck.

Mike rubbed his hands together eager to change the subject. "So, Davy's turn."

"Smooth transition," Davy rolled his eyes. "Never have I ever been in handcuffs."

"Uh Davy, we've all been followed/arrested by the police numerous times," Micky criticized the pick.

"Yes, but we never get handcuffed. Just shoved in cars or we just magically appear in an interrogation room."

Micky thought for a moment. "You're right! Huh? That seems like shoddy police work."

"Well, I have," Mike rubbed the back of his neck. "They don't play around in Saginaw."

Micky opened his mouth and Mike interrupted. "I know you're going to ask me to elaborate and the answer is no."

"Me too," Peter admitted.

"You've been arrested?" Davy asked.

"Uh…no…it was um… in the bedroom."

Davy slapped his forehead. "Sorry I asked…as usual."

"Never have I ever slept with someone my friend was interested in," Mike interrupted that conversation.

Peter raised his hand.

"I'm not surprised," Micky said. "Let's find this out never have I ever participated in an orgy."

"What the hell, man?" Davy shouted.

"What?" Micky asked.

"That's right disgusting, that is," Davy criticized.

Micky looked around the room. "What, nobody?"

"That's even too rich for my blood Micky," Peter answered. "Never have I ever went on a date with someone and left with someone else."

"Now_that's _surprising," Micky said raising his hand.

Davy irritably raised his hand. "Well, we all knew that I was going to raise my hand."

"No doubt about that, Tiny. That's your MO," Mike pointed out.

"Never have I ever had sex while someone was sleeping in the same room."

"That's because you're a virgin," Micky laughed.

"Come off it," Davy crossed his arms.

Peter raised his hand.

"Please do not tell me that was while you were sharing a room with me," Davy rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands.

"Alright, I won't tell you," Peter smiled.

Mike and Micky roared with laughter. "You're the one that brought that up."

"Hahaha," Davy mocked. "Can we wrap this up please? I'm annoyed."

"Did you not sleep last night because Peter was knocking boots?" Mike tried to steady his breathing.

"Actually I prefer moccasins," Peter answered matter-of-factly.

"The things that you are pure about and the things you aren't amaze me," Mike responded. "Let's see…never have I ever…I don't know…eaten peanut butter!"

Everyone's mouths dropped and they stared at Mike.

"How have you never had peanut butter," Peter broke the silence.

"My mom never bought it and I've had no interest in trying it."

"But its life changing!" Micky protested.

"I don't think I'm missing anything."

"I'm appalled," Micky practically shouted.

"Safe to say that the three normal people here have all eaten peanut butter," Davy added.

"Define 'normal'," Mike rolled his eyes. "This game has proven the point that none of us are normal."

"What's the scores anyway, Mike?" Peter asked.

"I owe $2.50…"

"Rigged," Micky coughed.

"Micky and Davy both owe $4…"

"How can I possibly have as many points as him?"

"You're just as twisted as me, babe."

"And Peter is at $4.75."

"I can't believe it isn't more!" Davy was shocked.

"Well, I've got the last question…"

"Damn, I thought we were done," Davy threw his head back.

"This is a make it or break it question, separates the men from the boys…"

"Out with it, Mick!" Mike was tiring of the theatrics.

"Never have I ever lied while playing Never Have I Ever."

Micky stared down the blank stares of his roommates…


End file.
